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Group 42-Sells Out! - The Information Archive
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Group 42 Sells Out (Group 42) (1996).iso
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women.txt
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1996-02-04
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Facts About Women
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where
they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is
irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale
is fair game.
3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the
racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they
know you can hear them.
5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer,
in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel
a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they
are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so
successful.
8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because
sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women.
Just knowing that the man *wants* to have sex with them
fulfills the emotional need.
9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man
around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the
inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy,
providing they only tell two or three people.
11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives
them a chance to gossip.
12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter
what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand
that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.
14. Women think all beer is the same.
15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different
conditioners in the shower.
16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a
tropical rain forest.
17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek
entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek
entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could*
be.
18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days
worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman
goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she
doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
19. Women brush their hair *before* bed.
20. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a
pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
21. Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling.
22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans
responsibility, "It's there in the bible". hmmm who was it
that gave Adam the apple?
23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil
doesn't stick?"
24. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and
red carpet.
25. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom
is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these
items.
26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women
aren't looking, men kick cats.
27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her
girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will
call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the
mail.
30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the
possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do
I look?'
32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least
men think it means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse.
33. The first naked man woman see is "Ken".
36. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one
left-hand turn.
37. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in
woman-language than it does in man-language.
38. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
39. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to
correspond to the direction that they are heading.
40a All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with
them about it.
40b All women are overweight by definition, don't agree with
them about it.
41. If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower
shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What
did you do?"
42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring
to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go
with those rights.
43. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the
"good china".
46. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This
will get men arrested.
47. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy
despite claims to the contrary. You don't see womens
trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried do you?